I, along with most people I know, read a blog recently that was titled “I’m Dating Someone Even Though I’m Married.” It was written by a pastor, which made it even more scandalous, until you found out that the woman he’s dating is his wife. The point of his blog was that couples should always pursue each other the way they did when they were first dating.
While I appreciate the general sentiment of this man’s blog it also bugged the crap out of me. Mainly because I felt COMPLETELY TRICKED!
“He’s DATING and he’s MARRIED? Oh man, this is gonna be…nevermind. It’s just his wife. This sucks.”
That wasn’t my only problem with his blog though. This guy obviously hasn’t been married very long. I know because he claims that he is never mad at his wife for more than 5 minutes at a time. Any couple who has been together for a while knows that you can carry on heated debates for YEARS. My husband and I fight about the proper way to open the dishwasher door. Don’t ask me for the specifics because it will just lead to another fight. I think that every couple has at least ONE of these never ending spats and they usually start long before you get married.
Pastor Super-Husband also talks about how he and his girlfriend-wife go out all the time. They go to dinner and to movies & shows, which just sounds exhausting. Haven’t they figured out how great it is to drink wine in front of the TV yet? Going out all the time has GOT to be expensive too, not to mention the babysitters. I guess they’re one of those couples whose parents are DYING to hang with the Grandchildren. I have friends whose parents actually FIGHT over who is taking the Grandchildren on the weekends. These friends get incredible child-free weekends ALL THE TIME, thanks to their parents. It’s OK because I call them repeatedly & hang up at 4:30am on those days. (Not really, but only because of Caller ID.)
What Pastor Cupid doesn’t realize is that someday you have to stop dating and simply be married. The honeymoon ends and you have to be ready to take on life together without all the hearts and flowers. Futhermore, I’m not sure it’s even POSSIBLE to court someone who leaves the bathroom door open all the time.
The trick to keeping the spark alive is to find your spouse’s sweet-spot. It’s that one special thing that takes you back to the moment you fell in love. For me, it’s laughter. Sounds stupid but I could be on the floor, cleaning up any manner of child or cat filth but my husband makes me laugh & suddenly we’re back to our first date. HIS sweet-spot is a back, neck or foot massage. If I give him one of those, he will stare into my eyes like a cat who is getting an awesome scratch.
YES, it’s important to spend time alone together and to act like the love-birds you once were, but if that isn’t possible at the moment ALL IS NOT LOST. Simply find your spouse’s sweet spot, visit it regularly and you’re good as gold.
Well, at least until you open the dishwasher the wrong way again.