It is very difficult for my children to see me naked. I know this because they tell me ALL THE TIME.
It happened again last night when my 9-year-old walked in on me, fresh from the shower. I was in my OWN bedroom, by the way, digging through my underwear drawer when Emma barreled in with something important to say about “Dog with a Blog.” Instead, she shrieked. It scared me, so I whipped around to see what the problem was. Emma actually had her hands over her mouth, stifling the rest of her scream.
“What?” I asked anxiously. “What happened?” “Nothing,” she said. “You’re just so NUDE.”
It was my turn to stifle the scream.
Instead I explained that I was in my own room in my own home, where I’m allowed to walk around with no pants on (omitting the swear words I would have included were I not yelling at my child). This happens with shocking regularity in my house. My daughters seem to have satellite capabilities when it comes to my nudity. They always come bursting in when I’m JUST far enough away from a towel, and usually bending over to grab something off the floor.
The comments from my older daughter are bad but the worst ones come from the 6-year-old. Here are some of her greatest hits: “MOMMY, what HAPPENED???” “Oh NO, does that hurt???” Or my personal favorite,
“Is THAT going to happen to ME…when I’m OLD???”
Lucy can’t really be blamed because she is just following in the grand tradition of Nude Parent Shaming. Why, I clearly remember my own mother standing in front of me without a stitch on and SCREAMING at me for giggling. I also remember asking my father why he was carrying all that stuff around in his underwear.
So, I guess it’s just my turn. It’s OK because in due time I’ll be able to pay my children back with comments like, “You’re wearing THAT?” or “Oh sure, you THINK you love him,” or my own mother’s personal favorite, “I know you WANT more cake, but do you NEED it?”
In the meantime, I’m going to start locking my door anytime clothes are shed and just in case, the lights are staying off, ALWAYS.